Pimp your Garden

Does your garden look like Stephen Kings Pet Sematary? Or is your garden trimmed like a pink continental clip style puddle? Whatever, I’m sure you are struggling with the same problem. How the f*#k do I keep intruders out of my garden. We are talking about annoying neighbors, door-to-door salesman, neighbor’s kids kicking their football or Frisbee over the fence, burglars and the freaks trying to convince you joining their religion.

Of course you can get yourself an aggressive American Pit Bull, but it might attack you too.

The solution is… Pimp your garden with extraordinary, shocking garden statues from Toscano. And here is a top 10 list of the most astonishing garden statues which for sure will keep intruders out of your garden.

#1 The Zombie of Montclaire Moors Statue

Who’s not afraid of zombies. This Zombie garden statue designed by artist Alan Dickson, created for Toscano, will without doubt scare any intruder away.

#2 Poison Oak: Greenman Tree Sculpture

Kids love to eat cherries, plums and apples from trees. But its your tree and you don’t want to share your fruits. Give the tree a scary look and keep the kids out of your trees.

#3 Bark, the Black Forest Ent Tree Statue

Maybe the Poison Oak wont make it. So you better add the Black Forest Ent tree statue.

#4 Crocodile garden statue

You have a pool, but cant use it, because some teenage dirtbags had a party in it while you’ve been at work. Crocodiles and Alligators is the answer.

#5 Shadowed Predator Black Panther Statue

Knock, knock… who’s there? Jehowa’s Witnesses there. Oh shit, to late. You have to prevent episodes like that. When they encounter the Black Panther Statue on the way to your door, they will immediately turn.

#6 Beware of Gargoyles Warning sign

Let burglars know your home is protected by gargoyles. Ok, I’m not quite sure if it’s that terrifying and if it will really scare away burglars.

#7 The Jurassic-Sized T-Rex Statue

That’s why you should place the 22 feet long T-Rex statue behind the sign.

#8 Giant Burmese Python Snake Statue

Door salesmen!!! Why do they always try to sell vacuum cleaner? Do you know somebody who doesn’t own a vacuum cleaner? They should sell something you really need. So keep them out of your garden. A door salesman won’t step over a giant Burmese python. So place the snake across the path to your front door.

#9 South African Rhino Garden Sculpture

So your neighbors are peeping through the hedge? The only way you can teach them not to do so, is by using shock therapy. I’m not talking about ECT, but about giving them an chocking experience. Let them face a Rhino next time they peep, and they’ll never peep again.

#10 Stinky the Striped Skunk Statue

Only a fool gets close to a skunk. So place this skunk on your porch and keep everybody out of your garden.

All the statues and much more are available on Amazon and Toscano