Ninja Nuts

Ninja Nuts

A true story by Mr.Poo, played by real nuts.

Japan, year 1650. A feudal Japan ruled by the Pinattsu Dynasty. The Pinattsu Clan was loved by the people. Especially Princess Asami Pinattsu (English; “Morning Beauty Peanut”). She was so beautiful, that every nut felled in love with her. She was a nut, a man would kill for, a nut a man would die for. In fact many nuts died because of her, despite the fact that their death caused sexually transmitted diseases. However, that’s another story.

The princess needed protection. Not this kind of protection, I’m talking about protection from attackers. Her bodyguard, Old Sensei Nattsu, was always by her side, to protect her from naughty nutty nuts. But a much bigger danger was waiting for her.

Ninjas, covert agents and mercenaries of the feudal Japan. Masters of espionage, sabotage and assassination.

“HELP… Ninjas… HELP! Sensei Nattsu, Help, I’m under attack!”

Ninjas, trained for one purpose, assassination of Princess Pinattsu.

Sensei Natsu, he might be old, but fast as the wind, hot as fire, balls of steel and water in his legs “Come to daddy, let me see what you got!”

Princess Pinattsu is frozen in fright “They are too many, we need Help!”

Is this the end of Princess Pinattsu?

Just when everything looks hopeless, a warrior appears out of nowhere. It’s dragon nut, fearless Tatsuo.

Ninjas, invisible warriors, specialists in unconventional arts of war, no fear, no mercy, no honor.

Tatsuo’s sword cuts the nuts like butter.

“Aaaaahhh… I gonna die, help me fearless Tatsuo.

“I got him...”

“…and cut him. Let’s see if you got nuts”

In the air the sound of women screaming, metal shrieking and nutshells cracking. And then suddenly silence.

Ninjas, silent assassins, they’ll kill quick, they’ll kill silent, they’ll kill one and all.

“Oh my fearless Tatsuo, you are my hero. Let’s make love!”

Princess Pinattsu and Dragon nut Tatsuo got married and they lived happily ever after…

No, they didn’t. On their honeymoon Tatsuo got infected with a sexually transmitted disease and lost his right nut. Princess Pinattsu got pregnant. Nine months later she gave birth to a cashew nut. Tatsuo couldn’t live with it and left Princess Pinattsu. Pinattsu gave her cashew nut up for adoption and began drinking. She is now admitted to psychiatric hospital.

A “My-Dirty-Toilet” Production

Written by Mr. Poo

Photography by Mr. Poo

Dedicated to “Dennis the Ninja”