Stools List

Who hasn’t been to the doctor and found themselves in that awkward situation, where the doctor asks questions about your stool. Trying to remember how it looked like in the morning, looking for a way to describe it, and worried that the doctor might put his finger up in your anus and ask for a stool sample because your description isn’t sufficient. But now you can be prepared. No more awkward situations. Just fill out Old Stools “Poo List” and hand it in to the doctor. Its possible to put more than one [X].

Stools List



Name: ........................................
Address: .....................................
Date: .........................................

Category ”Big & Hard”

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit [ ]
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly Shit [ ]
You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.

King Kong or Commode Choker Shit [ ]
This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.

Wet Cheeks Shit [ ]
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.
Cement Block Shit [ ]
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.

The Party Pooper [ ]
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.


Category “Hide & seek”

Ghost Shit [ ]
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.

Wish Shit [ ]
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit.

The Frightened Turtle [ ]
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.

The Windy City Shit [ ]
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.


Category “Fast & Furious”

Teflon Coated Shit [ ]
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!

Right Now Shit [ ]
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.


Category “The liquid state”

Gooey Shit [ ]
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Dirty Bowl Shit [ ]
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

The Never Ending Shit [ ]
It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.


Category ”Never ending”

Snake Shit [ ]
This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

The Bungee Shit [ ]
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.


Category “The Annoying”

Second Thought Shit [ ]
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.

Cork Shit / Floater Shit [ ]
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.

The Ring of Fire Shit [ ]
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

The Crippler [ ]
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Surprising [ ]
The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

The Jack the Ripper Shit [ ]
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.