Zombie bite first aid

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Do you know how to treat a zombie bite? NO! Don’t worry, you are not alone, a lot of us don’t know how to treat a zombie bite. That’s why I created a zombie first aid guide. Just follow the 7 steps, and you might be lucky not to turn into a zombie.
But first you have to be sure it’s a zombie and not just a crazy guy who escaped from the cuckoo's nest. If you follow the 7 steps, and afterwards you discover it was a loony bite, you will regret the treatment.
A zombie bite has to be treated immediately. Don’t waste time. Every minute that passes increases the danger of infection. Amputation of the infected limb is the only safe treatment of a zombie bite. (If you got bitten in the neck, you don’t have to follow the treatment)

How to follow the 7 steps
  • Step 1. Apply pressure above the wound to avoid the virus to spread into your blood circuit.
  • Step 2. Place injured body part on a solid object. It has to be fixed, you don’t want to miss or hit twice.
  • Step 3. Amputate injured body part. At this step you might need an assistant. Those who tried to amputate a body part on your own body, they know how difficult it is.
  • Step 4. Apply the bandage firmly, but not so tight that circulation is prevented.
  • Step 5. Wrap the bandage in a spiral pattern. Start upwards and continue down until the wound is covered.
  • Step 6. Bind the bandage as far up till it reaches the beginning. Tie a knot in the end.
  • Step 7. You might feel a bit pain after the treatment. Two painkillers will make it.
Now you can head to the hospital for further treatment. The treatment is no guaranty for recovery and is the virus still in your body, they can’t do anything at the hospital to safe you from turning into a zombie.
Even if your limb is amputated, you still need protection. It is recommended to fix a weapon to the amputated limb. It can be a knife, gun, chainsaw… Good luck.

Get well soon!

Remember, you also need the zombie calendar 2012, for next year!


Farila November 28, 2009 at 7:13 AM  

Just hoping and praying the Zoombie bite will not be on a fav body part on you...

Sorcerer December 4, 2009 at 12:46 PM  

err..what if ze zombie bitez ze butt.

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