mydirtytoilet

Zombie Calendars 2012

2011-11-19T15:03:00.000+01:00

2012... and they will come… realy!

I know, I told everybody there will be a zombie apocalypse in 2011. They didn’t come, sorry. The only zombie I saw, was myself in the mirror after drinking a cheap bottle of scotch. But believe me, 2012 the walking dead will be over us. There are even more zombie calendars 2012 than in 2011, and why should they sell all those zombie calendars, if no zombie gonna by them. I will tell my shrink he can put the pills up his ass, cause I’m not paranoid!

THEY WILL COME!!! … Ha ha ha... hi.. hu…

The Year of the Dead: Swimsuit Edition 2012. A 12 Month Calendar featuring the
hottest girls to ever crawl from the grave! The Year of the Dead: Swimsuit Edition 2012 Calendar is like none you have seen before. It features the sexiest, most grotesque dead girls to ever claw their way out of the grave. Have a look inside the calendar on Amazon, Miss July is hot.

This is a brand new Sealed Zombie Smarts 2012 Desk Calendar
. All photos in this calendar are high quality and high resolution. Not pixilated Knock-Off's. Hang it on your wall at home or work and be surrounded by your favorite Zombie images thru the end of 2012!

When there's no more room in hell the dead will walk the earth. Fortunately they're sexy pinup zombies. This 12" X 12" wall calendar features 13 beautiful zombies over 16 months. Great for lovers of the undead. See larger image on Amazon.

From freshly dead to downright rotten. Gorgeous & Gory has dug up 12 of the sexiest undead darlings for the 2012 Zombie Pinup Calendar! Get started planning for the apocalypse.

Start 2012 in true zombie fashion! This full-color Zombies 2012 Calendar features horrifyingly gorgeous zombie art by acclaimed artists Arthur Suydam, Lucio Parrillo, Sean Phillips, and more!

Enjoy the new year in style with this 2012 Zombie 13 Month Wall Calendar. Full color artwork will make sure you see all the guts, gore and blood in eye popping perfection.The new year will never be the same again!

The walking dead have never been so creepy, so disgusting, and so much fun. William Stout, production designer for the cult classic movie Return of the Living Dead, has created 12 new zombie images for this totally gruesome and completely cheeky calendar. Fans will relish such art as Leper-chaun Zombie, Back-to-School Zombie, and Easter Bunny Zombie, carrying its basketful of pastel-colored brains. Zombie factoids and important dates in zombie history are included on each full-color monthly spread of the Zombies: 2012 Wall Calendar.

This 16 Month Wall Calendar from the Walking Dead TV show. Calendar starts at September 2011 and goes till Dec. 2012. Features shot and Characters from the show.

Lookout--the zombies are coming! This calendar features zombies in all their creepy, gory glory as they pursue their human prey. With art from James Ryman, this calendar makes it easy to see why these slow-walking, flesh-craving creatures have captured the fascination of a whole new generation. Zombies 2012 Calendar

"They're coming to get you, Barbara!" --Night of the Living Dead (1968)
From voodoo legends to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Dawn of the Dead, zombies have been one of the most popular and fascinating nightmares in popular culture. This all-new daily Zombie Calendar gathers everything you'd ever want to know about the undead in one ultimate package, including facts, myths, quotes, and stories.
Covering every great example of the genre, Zombies: Facts, Myths, Quotes, and Stories from Every Attack 2012 Day-to-Day Calendar unearths the best from George Romero to World War Z, 28 Days Later, and The Walking Dead.

2012 and they are still walking among us. Every zombie is attracted to this calendar. Official Friends TV Calendar 2012. Get it, before they do.

The Demotivational Poster

2011-05-16T17:30:00.003+02:00

A demotivational poster is a parody of the motivational poster that commonly is designed for use in schools and offices. Ever tried to google the word “demotivational”? Thousands of funny, provoking and dirty motivational demotivational poster will pop up. It really has become an internet meme. Even on an episode of The Simpsons a motivational poster did appear. I have been surfing the internet for hours, just to find the best demotivational posters for you. Now I got a headache, and don’t like to see anymore of those posters.

Check out the Demotivational Rock Bottom video

Here are my top 10.

My favorite demotivational poster is and will always be the "Ninjas, they are everywhere"poster. Found on Photobucket

The Fat Emo demotivational poster. And he´s not the obly Emo you will find on a demotivational poster. Found on questionabletopic.wordpress

And you will find many hobos on demotivational posters. Here is one of them. Found on Motivateusnot

Actually there are many Ninja demotivational posters. So, here is one more. Found on Motifake

Geeks and demotivational posters fits like a glove on hand. Found on demotivated.mediarift

Time to look for a new job. A demotivational poster about laziness. Found on Photobucket

I can`t help it. The Ninja demotivational posters are the best. Found on Fakeposters

And here one of the many "safety first" demotivational posters. Found on Motifake

Demotivational posters can even be sad. The Truth, sometimes it hurts, found on Motifake.

See how easy it is. My own creation. The Mr.Poo demotivational poster.

And why not sell this crap. Amazon is full of demotivational stuff.
You can get....

150 demotivational posters in one book

Do sugar-coated lies and cliché photos actually motivate you to do better? Of course not!

If you want to get ahead in life, you need to know how things really work. You need posters that reveal the cold, hard truth. You need to be demotivated.

By offering demotivational messages accompanied by ridiculous images, the author turns the motivational message upside down with very funny results. Faux versions of the kitschy motivational poster are already a wildly popular Internet phenomenon, but never have they been done with such savage humor as in this book. The author offers a variety of entertaining options, such as a baseball player eating dirt while missing a fly ball paired with the caption "Humiliation: There's no Point Trying, You Just Look Ridiculous." Another poster pairs a distressed surgeon with, "Failure: Sometimes it is a Matter of Life and Death."

Give Up: 150 Demotivation Posters

The Heart Attack Grill

2011-03-10T18:53:00.001+01:00

EAT AND DIE

If you love junk food and you don’t give a shit about your health, this extraordinary hospital theme restaurant, where the waitresses are dressed like nurses, will surely become your favorite fast food restaurant.

Enjoy a Quadruple Bypass burger with some Flatliner Fries and a butterfat shake with the world’s highest butterfat content. And when you are able to finish an 8.000 calories Quadruple Bypass burger, a nurse will wheel you out to your car in a wheelchair.

The Restaurant is promoted by the 575 pound spokesman Blair River. His motto “taste worth dying for”. Unfortunately he died on March 1, 2011 at the age of 29. You might think, he died of a heart attack while eating the high caloric food. But he died from pneumonia after suffering from a flu.

So if you are in Arizona, and need a little snack, the Heart Attack grill is located on the Chandler Blvd.

Zombie Calendars 2011

2010-12-14T20:42:00.002+01:00

2011... and they will come

Ok, 2010 is soon over, and they are still not among us. Or are they? Zombies, I’m talking about Zombies. I haven’t seen them yet, but I know they will come soon, and if not in 2010, then in 2011. Why I’m so sure? I was looking for a 2011 calendar, and then I saw them… the calendars for the zombies. Why should they sell all those calendars if no Zombies will be in 2011, Ha.., you see, I’m right. I´m not paranoid. THEY WILL COME!!!

Hey, 2011 is soon over, what you need is the zombie calendar 2012!

They are lovely, they are hot, they are zombies. Zombie Pin Up Calendar 2011

Zombies - We want your brain, by Artist William Stout who created one of film's most gruesomely famous zombies for the 1985 cult classic Return of the Living Dead

Fold-Your-Own Zombie: 2011 Wall Calendar Create twelve detailed 3-D zombie models. Punch out the pieces of paper corpses entombed in a handy pocket at the back of the calendar, then fold them into gruesome walking dead zombies.

Zombies 2011: The Year of Infection 2011 Wall Calendar is a breathtaking, thrilling chronicle of a zombie apocalypse. Follow Dr. Robert Twomblys journey as he heads north, where he hopes the undead will be slowed by the colder climate.

Zombies 2011 Wall Calendar by James Ryman features illustrations of zombies in all of their evil, horrific brilliance flesh decaying beauty.

The official Zombie Survival Calendar and Field Manual will be your guide to all things zombie. Are Zombies Real? Do the Walking Dead really exist? The 16 month wall calendar will help you with tips and knowledge that will be important when Zombies rule the world.

Bad Zombie's Gorgeous and Gory 2011 Zombie Pinup Calendar. The bloodiest beauties are crawling out of the debris and onto 12 titillating pages of post-apocalyptic planning in this limited edition calendar!

Walking Dead 2011 Calendar by Image Comics. Yeah, they even read comics, unbelievable!

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies 2011 Calendar

With zombie action, classic romance, and gruesome decapitations all year long, this calendar features original full-color illustrations and quotes from Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

Psycho Nurse! The 2011 Psycho Donuts 13-Month Calendar. Ok, it’s not a calendar with zombies, but I think they gonna like them.

Betty White 2011 Wall Calendar. Unbelievable, is she still alive?

The perfect Halloween Party

2010-09-19T21:17:00.000+02:00

You want to invite your friends to a Halloween party. It has to be scary and a party they’ll never forget in their life. So forget all about buying paperboard ghosts and skeletons and don’t use your never mind hopeless creativity on carving pumpkins, unless you accidently cut your finger of, then use it as decoration. You do not want, that your friends tell you, it was a nice party. Ohhh no, they have to scream and let you know, it was the worst nightmare they ever have experienced. Here is a top 10 list, things that shouldn’t be missing for a perfect celebration for the most terrifying offensive outrageous shocking Halloween party.

No Halloween party without a female Zombie decapitated head decoration. Hiding it in the toilet will always make a heart attack shocking surprise. Sold by Amok Time on Amazon.

A baby don’t fit into a Halloween party. So, if you have a baby, then leave it at your babysitter and change it out with this little fella. Sold by Morris Costume Shop on Amazon

If you have teenager kids, send them to the neighbors, they will just ruin your party. Get instead Evil Annie, she is a real party prop, and she’s no vegetarian.

This Latex foam filled full size prop Zombie head will make a nice decoration on your dining table. Decorate it with salad and cover it before serving. Sold by Morris Costume Shop on Amazon.

Life sized Zombie Prop Halloween decoration is great for garden decoration. Place it at the front door. Sold by Morris Costume Shop on Amazon Search Amazon.com for distortions unlimited.

They are so sweet the kids in their costumes when they are knocking on your door for candy. But it can be annoying running to the door all the time. You need a helper. This life sized Zombie Stand, holding a hat with candy, will do the job. Sold by Distortions Unlimite on Amazon.

If money is no issue I recommend investing in Krazy Kristen. Includes movement controls, digital sound, amp and speaker. You just need an air compressor and AC power and she will thrash side to side, forward and backward in an extremely violent manner with creepy talk. Sold by Costumes4Less on Amazon.

Body in Body bag! If you have a walk-in fridge, a great place to hang. Otherwise in the shower, will it make a nice surprise. You don’t want your guests to find a place to hide from all the horror in your house. Sold by Costumes4Less on Amazon.

What I hate about being a party host is that somebody always ends up sleeping in your bed. Oh, if they just would sleep…. So if you don’t want to sleep in other peoples body fluids, hide Scary Carrie under the duvet. Sold by Costumes4Less on Amazon.

The lower half of the Creeping Zombie has been ripped away, but it’s still hungry. Sold by Morris Costume Shop on Amazon.

Still not satisfied? Then have a look at the crazy stuff from Distortions Unlimite.

Terror in Legoland

2010-07-21T21:00:00.003+02:00

Lego, epitome for creativity and for being an educative and constructive toy for small people. But what if your child doesn’t want to be creative and constructive? Maybe it wants to be like daddy; destructive, violent and drunk. Ok, let’s skip the “drunk”. Children imitate what they see and that’s how they learn to interact with the society. When your child sees war, violence and terror in the television, it wants to imitate it. If you live in a neighborhood which is characterized by crime, gangs and drugs, your child need toys that is adapted to this environment. Your child plays with Lego, but can’t mimic the scenarios of the environment with the current Lego collection! With the Lego accessories below, you can customize your child’s play with the ambient conditions.

If you are shocked and outraged about the customized Lego accessories, don’t blame Lego. The accessories are not a part of the Lego assortment, but made by a Company named “Brickarms”

Get a modern combat weapons set for your Lego figures, and dress them like this little terrorist.

And you cant do without grenades. And you get those 25 grenades from Brickarms in a smart box.

Let your child play WWII. It just need some german Lego soldiers. Brickarms got a lot of them.

And don´t mess around with this little fella, he got a baseball bat.

Wanna buy a Uzi? This little dealer offers a Uzi in a briefcase.

With this Rocket launcher from Brickarms you can blow up your Lego cars.

Shotguns are always good. And this little badass guy can handle two of them.

Is it possible to play Rambo with Lego? Of course, you just need a Lego Rambo figure and this Brickarms AK47 LMG.

This tough guy is holding a Brickarms Xeno Pulse rifle as seen in Aliens. Sure this will kill some Lego aliens.

This Lego mafioso Scarface lookalike with his Tommy Gun will complete the collection.

Not satisfied. Don´t worry, there are much more weapons and figures on brickarms.com and on amazon.

The Blocked Toilet Cake

2010-06-22T15:42:00.001+02:00

Today I baked my favorite cake, the blocked Toilet cake. Mmmmm blocked toilet cake. This cake is fantastic for any birthday party, wedding or just for breakfast.

And it’s very easy to bake a blocked toilet cake. You need a cake as base. Its up to you what kind of cake you use, but it shouldn’t be too soft. I usually bake banana cake. Here are some recipes.

Form a toilet out of marzipan. Pour half of the melted chocolate on the cake so you get a puddle of chocolate. Place the marzipan toilet in the middle of the puddle of chocolate. Now pour the rest of the melted chocolate into the marzipan toilet until it’s blocked :) Garnish with powdered sugar.

Bon appétit.

Pimp your Garden

2010-06-08T18:32:00.006+02:00

Does your garden look like Stephen Kings Pet Sematary? Or is your garden trimmed like a pink continental clip style puddle? Whatever, I’m sure you are struggling with the same problem. How the f*#k do I keep intruders out of my garden. We are talking about annoying neighbors, door-to-door salesman, neighbor’s kids kicking their football or Frisbee over the fence, burglars and the freaks trying to convince you joining their religion.

Of course you can get yourself an aggressive American Pit Bull, but it might attack you too.

The solution is… Pimp your garden with extraordinary, shocking garden statues from Toscano. And here is a top 10 list of the most astonishing garden statues which for sure will keep intruders out of your garden.

#1 The Zombie of Montclaire Moors Statue

Who’s not afraid of zombies. This Zombie garden statue designed by artist Alan Dickson, created for Toscano, will without doubt scare any intruder away.

#2 Poison Oak: Greenman Tree Sculpture

Kids love to eat cherries, plums and apples from trees. But its your tree and you don’t want to share your fruits. Give the tree a scary look and keep the kids out of your trees.

#3 Bark, the Black Forest Ent Tree Statue

Maybe the Poison Oak wont make it. So you better add the Black Forest Ent tree statue.

#4 Crocodile garden statue

You have a pool, but cant use it, because some teenage dirtbags had a party in it while you’ve been at work. Crocodiles and Alligators is the answer.

#5 Shadowed Predator Black Panther Statue

Knock, knock… who’s there? Jehowa’s Witnesses there. Oh shit, to late. You have to prevent episodes like that. When they encounter the Black Panther Statue on the way to your door, they will immediately turn.

#6 Beware of Gargoyles Warning sign

Let burglars know your home is protected by gargoyles. Ok, I’m not quite sure if it’s that terrifying and if it will really scare away burglars.

#7 The Jurassic-Sized T-Rex Statue

That’s why you should place the 22 feet long T-Rex statue behind the sign.

#8 Giant Burmese Python Snake Statue

Door salesmen!!! Why do they always try to sell vacuum cleaner? Do you know somebody who doesn’t own a vacuum cleaner? They should sell something you really need. So keep them out of your garden. A door salesman won’t step over a giant Burmese python. So place the snake across the path to your front door.

#9 South African Rhino Garden Sculpture

So your neighbors are peeping through the hedge? The only way you can teach them not to do so, is by using shock therapy. I’m not talking about ECT, but about giving them an chocking experience. Let them face a Rhino next time they peep, and they’ll never peep again.

#10 Stinky the Striped Skunk Statue

Only a fool gets close to a skunk. So place this skunk on your porch and keep everybody out of your garden.

All the statues and much more are available on Amazon and Toscano

My Daddy is a Hero

2010-05-27T19:20:00.002+02:00

I remember I wrote this essay in school “My Daddy is a Hero”. I think I wrote it quite well, so I don’t understand why I got a D. I've never had a chance to ask my teacher. She disappeared without a trace.

Click on Photo to enlarge, its better for your eyes.

For those, who can´t read a 8 year old claw;

My Daddy is my hero

My daddy is my hero because he saved my mum from going to heaven. My mum would be dead if my daddy wouldn’t bee so brave.

It happened last week. I could hear my mum scream in the bedroom, “Oh God, I’m coming, Oh God I’m coming”. I was so scared. I don’t want my mum to die. I ran into my parent’s bedroom to safe my mum. Her legs were sticking straight up in the air. God tried to pull her up but daddy was on her and pushed her back. He pushed so many times until God let her go.

Now my dad saved my Mum, Aunty Roxana, Granny and Uncle Hubert from going to heaven. Especially Uncle Hubert should be happy, because I believe he was going to hell. He was shouting “Oh hell, that burns” while the devil pulled his arms. But my daddy hold Uncle Hubert’s butt and pulled him back.

When I grow up, I want to be like my daddy.

Addiction to Freddy Krueger

2010-05-09T19:14:00.001+02:00

When your addiction to Freddy Krueger is destroying your life

Which group of people do you belong to?

a. Freddy Krueger??? Who the f#*k is Freddy Krueger?

b. I have seen all the movies… awesome!

c. I have all the movies on blue-ray… awesome!

d. Wanna see my Freddy Krueger action figure collection?

e. I am Freddy Krueger!

If you think you belong to group e, and your name is not Robert Englund, then you have certainly a problem. Make the test below and see if your life is running out off track. If you can see yourself in five of the ten portrayals, you might destroy your life.

1. Your girlfriend is called Scarface because you refuse to take off your Freddy Krueger glove in bed.

2. Entering the bank with the Freddy Krueger mask was a bad idea. Telling the lady at the counter, you are her worst nightmare, brought you in a precarious situation.

3. Your Family Planning is on standby after you cut your wiener on your Freddy Krueger Belt Buckle Claw.

4. Your wedding planning ended in a disagreement. You insisted to serve the wine in your Freddy Krueger Punch Bowl and Freddy Krueger Chalice Glasses.

5. You didn’t get the job as a Kindergarten teacher? Hmmm… Maybe they didn’t like the “You’re Mine Now Piggy” Freddy Krueger T-shirt.

6. So your girlfriend refused going out with you on Valentines day, just because you insist on her wearing the sexy Freddy Krueger outfit you gave her… unbelievable!

7. You believe wearing your Freddy Krueger Nike Dunk will keep you from sleepwalking. You were found naked in the park wearing your Nikes and singing “One, two, Freddy’s coming for you”

8. Your 6 year old daughter can’t sleep because of nightmares. Maybe you should let her play with Barbie’s instead of Freddy Krueger Action figures.

9. You tried to solve your daughters sleep disorder by placing a life sized Freddy Krueger cardboard standup in her room and telling her “This man gonna protect you in your dreams”.

10. Your wife loves romantic surprises. On your wedding anniversary you surprised her with a poem. You thought the Freddy Krueger rhyme is a romantic poem for a girl.

“And now a question to a real Freddy Krueger maniac; “Is A Nightmare on Elmstreet without Robert Englund a real Nightmare on Elmstreet?”

Ninja Nuts

2010-04-24T21:44:00.001+02:00

Ninja Nuts

A true story by Mr.Poo, played by real nuts.

Japan, year 1650. A feudal Japan ruled by the Pinattsu Dynasty. The Pinattsu Clan was loved by the people. Especially Princess Asami Pinattsu (English; “Morning Beauty Peanut”). She was so beautiful, that every nut felled in love with her. She was a nut, a man would kill for, a nut a man would die for. In fact many nuts died because of her, despite the fact that their death caused sexually transmitted diseases. However, that’s another story.

The princess needed protection. Not this kind of protection, I’m talking about protection from attackers. Her bodyguard, Old Sensei Nattsu, was always by her side, to protect her from naughty nutty nuts. But a much bigger danger was waiting for her.

Ninjas, covert agents and mercenaries of the feudal Japan. Masters of espionage, sabotage and assassination.

“HELP… Ninjas… HELP! Sensei Nattsu, Help, I’m under attack!”

Ninjas, trained for one purpose, assassination of Princess Pinattsu.

Sensei Natsu, he might be old, but fast as the wind, hot as fire, balls of steel and water in his legs “Come to daddy, let me see what you got!”

Princess Pinattsu is frozen in fright “They are too many, we need Help!”

Is this the end of Princess Pinattsu?

Just when everything looks hopeless, a warrior appears out of nowhere. It’s dragon nut, fearless Tatsuo.

Ninjas, invisible warriors, specialists in unconventional arts of war, no fear, no mercy, no honor.

Tatsuo’s sword cuts the nuts like butter.

“Aaaaahhh… I gonna die, help me fearless Tatsuo.

“I got him...”

“…and cut him. Let’s see if you got nuts”

In the air the sound of women screaming, metal shrieking and nutshells cracking. And then suddenly silence.

Ninjas, silent assassins, they’ll kill quick, they’ll kill silent, they’ll kill one and all.

“Oh my fearless Tatsuo, you are my hero. Let’s make love!”

Princess Pinattsu and Dragon nut Tatsuo got married and they lived happily ever after…

No, they didn’t. On their honeymoon Tatsuo got infected with a sexually transmitted disease and lost his right nut. Princess Pinattsu got pregnant. Nine months later she gave birth to a cashew nut. Tatsuo couldn’t live with it and left Princess Pinattsu. Pinattsu gave her cashew nut up for adoption and began drinking. She is now admitted to psychiatric hospital.

A “My-Dirty-Toilet” Production

Written by Mr. Poo

Photography by Mr. Poo

Dedicated to “Dennis the Ninja”

iPoo

2010-04-19T22:34:00.001+02:00

I do, You do, We do, iPoo

How much time do you spend on the toilet in a lifetime? Let’s say you spend average 15 minutes on a daily basis. That’s 5475 minutes or 91 hours a year. In 70 years you spend 6387 hours on the toilet. That’s 266 days on the toilet during your life. If you’ll live to age 90, you’ll have spent an entire year on the toilet. And what are you doing while taking a dump? In my case, I’m looking into a door. And how exciting is that. Can’t imagine doing it 266 days in a lifetime.

There is good news for you who own an iPhone. Get iPoo on your iPhone and you have something to do, while sitting on the toilet and poo.

iPoo application is a social community that will connect you with other Pooers who are taking a dump around the world.

How to get started

Just download the iPoo application and get yourself a profile, I mean poofile.

Now you can create messages and drawings on your virtual stall and share it with other Pooers who takes a dump in your stall.

With The “Stats” you can see how many people poo, how many squares toilet paper has been flushed, how many liters water has been flushed and much more.

Draw graffiti with your finger in your virtual stall.

Share your photos on the “Poo Stream” with other pooers around the world

This and many other features will keep you busy while you are dropping a deuce.

You can get your own iPoo apps at

iTunes, ipoonow and AppShopper

How to survive a tiresome business meeting

2010-04-12T21:05:00.003+02:00

Tiered of long dreary business meetings at work? They can be so tiresome, it’s hard to keep your eyes open and if somebody asks you a question, you can’t answer it, because your mind is already at home on your couch. To avoid such unpleasant situations, use the talking buzzers. Just place them under the table and press them when you have to answer any question. The “Bullshit Button” exclaims 5 phrases with the word “Bullshit”. The “Fart alert Button” gives a disgusting sound of a fart followed by 13 different responses. The “Easy Button” says “That was easy”.

Mr. Smith did make the test and used the buttons on his meeting. And here is the result:

Manager; “Good morning, everyone. If we are all here, let's start the meeting. I've called this meeting in order to…..”

“Mr. Smith, would you mind taking notes today?”

“Warning, Warning, Bullshit alert!”

“I didn't catch that. Could you repeat that, please?”

“-FART- Woops, that one just slipped out”

“Mr. Smith, have you completed the report on the new accounting package?”

“That was bullshit!”

“I don't see what you mean. Could we have some more details, please?”

“-FART- Ooh, I think I messed myself”

“Mr. Smith, can you tell us how the BTNR project is progressing?”

“Oh come on now, that aint even bullshit, that’s horseshit!”

“Could you explain to me how that is going to work?”

“-FART- Ooh, that's gonna leave a mark!”

“I'm afraid that's outside the scope of this meeting.”

“-QUIET FART- Ooh! Silent but violent!”

“Has anyone else got anything to contribute?”

“-FART- Oh! See a doctor would ya!”

“What do you think about this proposal?”

“Bullshit level def con 5!”

“That's not really why we're here today.”

“-FART- Woh! Smells like something crawled up your butt and died!”

“You are going to get yourself fired!”

“That was easy!”

Evaluation of this test. I think it went quite well. Mr. Smith did manage to attend a meeting without opening his mouth and the debate had some interesting points. Mr. Smith is no longer working for this company.

Mr. Smith is a fictive person. No Mr. Smith nor any family members of Mr. Smith were harmed in the making of the test.

Get your button for the next meeting on Amazon

LEGO Weapons

2010-04-03T20:56:00.000+02:00

What to do if your State or Country doesn’t allow you to carry firearms. Of course you need to protect your family from intruders. Here is my suggestion. Build an automatic gun out of LEGO. What you need are those books: “Forbidden Lego: Build the Models Your Parents Warned You Against!” and “Weapons for LEGO Lovers”.

The first book is written by Ulrik Pilegaard and Mike Dooley, both worked as designer for LEGO and specialized in LEGO Mindstorms and LEGO Technic. The book contains 5 instructions how to build a weapon out of LEGO bricks including an automatic gun with a 14 bricks magazine and a fire rate of 3-4 bricks per second.

The second book is written by the German designer Martin Hûdepohl aka Xubor. The first book was named “LEGO for Adults”, but LEGO forbid them using their trademark. That’s why there is a limited edition of 1050 copies available. The content in “Weapons for LEGO Lovers” is the same than the first book. It contains a construction manual for the Thriller Automatic and the Thriller Compact, two slide actions crossbow pistols.

I’m not sure if you gonna scare a burglar out of your house with those weapons. The major damage the LEGO gun may cause him could be poking an eye out. But still, those LEGO constructions are not for kids, they are recommended for adults. And the bricks aren’t included, so it assumes that you have a large collection of LEGO bricks.

Have a look at the gun power of those weapons on the YouTube videos:

Full Automatic Gun

Slide Action LEGO Crossbow Pistol

LEGO Catapult

Let´s play Texas Chainsaw Massacre

2010-03-23T22:42:00.015+01:00

Let’s play Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, is one of the most famous slasher films ever and has significantly influenced the horror genre.

For those who don’t know the movie, here is a brief summary.

Actually it’s a horror franchise consisting of six slascher movies. The first was released in 1974. Told shortly, is the movie about a cannibal family, “The Hewitt family” living out in the wilderness somewhere in Texas. It’s a kind of “Road Trip” movie. Some young people are traveling through Texas and of course they end up in the kitchen of family Hewitt where they are processed to chili and barbecue. One of the main characters, and the most famous, is Thomas Brown Hewitt, alias Leatherface, a mentally retarded family member, known for wearing a leather mask he’s making out of human skin by slicing off the face of the victims he has killed. In all six movies there is a lot of cutting, sawing and screaming. What do you expect from a movie with the title “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”.

You are a fan of horror and slasher movies, then I’m sure you’ve seen them all. So what’s next, you gonna ask yourself. You are looking forward to a new movie? Stop waiting and start playing. Have a little bit of “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” at work, at home and on the run.

Let’s play Texas Chainsaw Massacre!

And here is a top 10 List of items you need, to play Texas Chainsaw Massacre anytime and anywhere.

# 1 The Leatherface Mask

You can’t play Texas Chainsaw Massacre without wearing the Leatherface mask. It doesn’t matter if you are at work, in the shopping center or in the waiting room at your dentist. If you feel like playing, wear the mask.

#2 The Chainsaw

No Texas Chainsaw without a chainsaw. This original Leatherface Chainsaw Halloween prop is inclusive sound effect. So you don’t have to run around and say “Aeee..ae..ae..ae..ae..eehhhhh”. You sound like a fool when you are doing this.

#3 TCM screen grabs

This nice screen grabs shows Leatherface slaughtering one of his victims. It will make a nice decoration on the nightstand in your bedroom. Girls like this stuff. And you can play with it when your girlfriend has the menses.

#4 A Leatherface action figure

Actually there is a big variety of Leatherface action figures. This is one of my favorite. You should always carry it with you, so you can play when you are bored, e.g. when you are waiting for the bus. Remember to wear the mask.

#5 TCM screen grabs from “The Beginning”

Here we got Leatherface, without mask, in process of preparing a barbecue. This action figure will look great on your desk at work. Play with it during lunchtime or take it with you to a boring meeting (or “meating” hahaha).

#6 The TCM Buffet Platter

Your parents in law come to stay or your wife invite some of her friends over for dinner. This sounds boring. Spice up your boring society with the Texas Chainsaw Buffet Platter. Serve dinner on this platter, and let your guest be part in your funny game. You better wear the mask.

#7 TCM Welcome to Travis County Sign

And before your company arrives, you better place this Texas Chainsaw Massacre sign at the front door. The pointing hand will show your guests the way to the ultimate party. And I’m sure they will love to play with you.

#8 The Leatherface Chalice Glass Cup

And if you want your party (or your wife’s party) to be a completed masterpiece, you better serve red vine in those charming Leatherface glass cups.

#9 TCM Leatherface Mini Bust

This gorgeous Mini Bust of Leatherface will make a lovely table decoration on your dining table. You can decorate it with flowers and candles if your wife doesn’t like it.

#10 Sheriff Hoyt Action Figure

Last but not least, Sheriff Hoyt. You can’t play Texas Chainsaw Massacre without Sheriff Hoyt. Actually it’s not Sheriff Hoyt, but Charlie Hewitt, Leatherface’s bigger brother, who killed Sheriff Hoyt and afterwards took on the identity of the sheriff.

All items seen on Amazon

Dog Doo Vacuum Cleaner

2010-03-13T18:53:00.000+01:00

It has been a while since we've had the topic dog shit. So lets talk about dog doo. All dog owners know how annoying it is to pick up the dog doo with those small plastic bags and then carry it around in your pocket. And when you forget to remove the bag, you will be unpleasantly surprised next time you put your hand into your pocket. “Pet Pooch Power System” is in my opinion one of the greatest inventions mankind has created. Call it by its name, the Dog Doo Vacuum Cleaner will make dog walking comfortable and delightful. This 120V cordless yard vacuum gathers pet waste and deposits it directly into a specially designed plastic bag for easy disposal. Get this amazing product including 10 biodegradable waste bags at Frontgate.

The ususal suspects

2010-02-27T12:25:00.002+01:00

It’s the guy with blood on his hands, the weird neighbor, the retarded from the trailer park or the psycho who wears lady clothes. I’m talking about the usual suspects in a murder case. I have seen them all; CSI Miami, CSI NY, CSI Las Vegas, Cold Case… And of course it’s the most suspicious looking guy who is guilty. That’s what they want you to believe. But at the end of the movie it turns out to be the nice family dad who is the killer. Why so? Otherwise the movie would end within 5 minutes. They want you to believe that it’s the most suspicious man, the guy with blood all over himself and the knife still in his hands, who is the murderer. Later the big surprise… oh my good, it’s not him, he’s innocent… it’s the babysitter, the teacher, the grandma… “I knew it’s him, I knew it from the beginning”. Yeah, sure you did. Remember it for the next season, then the surprise wont be that chilling.

If there is a murder case in your neighborhood, you know how to avoid being suspected. Just be the most suspicious guy in the neighborhood. We learned that they later in the movie will be declared innocent.

Here are some items which might be helpful in attracting attention. You have to make sure that you are in the spotlight with dirty hands. Remember, the suspicious psycho will go free later on.

Start with the Blood Bath Shower Curtain. In movies many people get murdered in the shower, remember the movie Psycho. These look very bloody and suspicious.

A bloody shower curtain can’t go without a Bloody Bath Mat.

And now to the kitchen. The knife might be the murder weapon. You better get yourself a Bloody Evidence Knife.

The living room must look like there has been a massacre. A Bloody Hand Tablecover will attract a lot of attention. On the window you can put those bloody Halloween Clings.

That should be enough. Now you can relax. If the police check your house, you will look like a psycho freak and be regarded as the usual suspects. But you are safe, because everybody knows that the usual suspects will go free.

All these items are found on Amazon. The links will guide you to the product.

Brainiac Sonic Grenade

2010-02-20T16:21:00.001+01:00

How often do you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock in the morning? I know, I know, you are not the only one. And when you have kids it’s much worse. When you finally get out of bed, it’s the kids turn. How often do you have to tell them to stand up? I’m sure it’s not done with once. And it is easier to revive a dead man than getting a teenager out of the bed early in the morning.

With the Brainiac Sonic Grenade it’s over with teenage-morning-wakeup-stress. Just pull the pin, shout “FIRE IN THE HOLE” and throw it into your child’s room. After 20 seconds, it will emit an unbearably loud noise (speed of sound 770 mph) until the pin is found and replaced. And where is the pin? Of course you are keeping the pin, so the grenade will continue making this horrendously noise until your teenage-sleeping-beauty is getting up to get the pin.

Product page, gadgetpages and amazon

Meathead

2010-02-14T18:36:00.000+01:00

Have you ever looked forward to the weekend where you just wanna watch a good movie in telly, play X-box and drink some beer? But then your wife invited some of her friends, some of those boring people, who just gonna talk about their boring jobs, their investments, their retirement savings and their funeral plans.

So how do you get rid of those people as quick as possible? The answer is; a horrifying dinner. Here is the recipe how to prepare a human meathead. And you might end up sitting in your couch watching telly and drinking beer.

Ingredients

The head:

2 pounds ground beef

1 cup milk

1 cup bread crumbs

1 cup finely chopped onions

2 cloves garlic minced

1 teaspoon salt

1 pinch pepper

2 eggs, beaten

1 tablespoon Worchester sauce

3 tablespoon ketchup

The eyes:

2 small onions

The teeth:

1 large potato

The hairstyle:

6 slices bacon

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).

In a large bowl, combine all ingredients for the head. Use your hands to mix until well blended. Peel the potato and carve the upper denture.

How to sculpt the head. Place the denture potato on a baking tin. Form a ball out of the meat and place it on the potato, but let the teeth be visible. Now shape the face. It’s up to you how good you are at this job and how real and scary it will turn out to be. My meathead looked like a cartoon, and was more funny than scary. Press the small onions into the eyeholes and give him a nice hairstyle with the sliced bacon.

Bake for 1 hour in the preheated oven, or until the internal temperature of the head is 160 degrees F (72 degrees C).

Serve with mashed potatoes.

Say it with doo

2010-02-05T21:49:00.000+01:00

Say it with Doo

A Poem by Mr.Poo

Don’t say it with flowers

Your workmate has been sick for a while

Lies in a hospital without a smile

Mobbing did make him smoke crack

Sending flowers won’t bring him back

Let him know how much you care

With a doo card, empathy you will declare

Don’t say it with words

Your sweetheart left you in anger

Ran away with a Texas Ranger

Now you want her back

Just don’t get a panic attack

Writing a letter you believe will be nice

Sending a doo card is my advice

Don’t say it with candles

Oh no, soon it’s valentine

You want it sweet like plum wine

A special surprise you need

And a very special indeed

She likes candle dinner in Peru

You better give her a card with doo

Don’t say it with cake

It’s your friends’ birthday

You remember after days of delay

Plagued by bad conscience

Wanna get back the confidence

A cake he will throw into the front yard

So you better send him a doo card

These doo cards and many more doo cards are available at PrankPlace

How to feed your kids

2010-01-30T14:13:00.003+01:00

Build a Meal

”Don’t play with your food!” All parents know this sentence. But they also know the mission impossible getting kids to eat their veggies. But this mission can be completed with Build-a-Meal. You just need to camouflage the vegetables in a game. Don’t tell your kids not to play with food. Let them have fun with the veggies.

Let your kids pretend that they are site managers of a large construction site and eating vegetables will become a fun game. You can help your kid coming up with funny games. Here are some suggestions, how eating veggies will become fun for your kids.

Suggestion # 1

The Mayor is planning to build a large shopping center outside the town. To make way for the shopping center, a nature reserve has to be flattened. The bulldozer has to flatten the whole forest, in this case it’s Broccoli. The trees (Broccoli) will now be lifted by the crane to the Incineration plant (the kid’s stomach).

Suggestion # 2

A car bomb has left a big hole in the pavement. The explosion did rupture a big hole in the sewer pipe and left a big sea filled with sewer soup. Now the soup has to be pumped out of the hole. That’s how you get your kid to eat a soup. Afterwards the hole has to be filled with cement (mashed potatoes). But the mafia did dispose a body in the wet cement (The body can be a sausage you put into the mashed potatoes). Now the cement has to be removed again to dig out the body.

And that’s how you get your kid to eat broccoli, soup, mashed potatoes inclusive a dead body, sorry I mean sausage.

You can get Build-a-Meal for your kids on Amazon and Urban Trend

The Brain swap

2010-01-23T17:03:00.001+01:00

Is it possible to swap brains between a walnut and a peanut? This question plagues Dr nuts for years and he can’t rest until he gets an answer. He got two volunteers to help in the experiment. Peanut, a compulsive gambler, and walnut a philosophy student. Two nutheads, willing to do anything for money.

Preparation for brain transplant

The cranium is opened and the brain exposed

The brain transplant is performed by Dr. Nuts without unnecessary assistance.

The transplant is completed. Dr. Nuts is satisfied with the outcome.

Dr Nuts has been forcibly hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital. He is accused of performing a medical examination without a medical certification and convicted of involuntary nut slaughter. Welcome to the nuthouse doctor.

Walnut was ostracized from his family because he was behaving like a peanut. He suffers from psychotic anxiety and paranoia. His greatest fear is ending up as peanut butter.

Peanut died of his injuries a few minutes after the transplant. His family could hardly identify the corpse.

Five little dudes willing to die for you!

2010-01-17T16:16:00.006+01:00

This poem is dedicated to five little dudes, to be honored for their courageous selfless actions, just to make your life more comfortable.

Five little dudes willing to die for you!

It happened in the central park

Here the life ended for little mark

Because you couldn’t remember the page

Mark had to leave the stage

Now he is flat like a pancake

Just because you needed a break.

It happened on the coffee table

Where Stan’s life ended so miserable

The table coaster you forgot

So Stan threw himself to this spot

And now he is a splat

This is nothing to laugh at

It happened on the office desk

To die like that is almost grotesque

The penholder on the desk you couldn’t locate

In the wrong place at the wrong time Fred did wait

You saw Fred as an opportunity

And poor Fred had no immunity

It happened in the dark

Harry had no bodyguard

Fumbling for the light pull

You thought Harry will be helpful

This is so scary

What happened to little Harry

It happened at work

Your boss has gone berserk

Under pressure you needed stress relief

At that moment Paul lost his belief

He immediately turned purplish blue

What a torture to go through

Available at Suck.uk and Amazon

Chocolate Weapons

2010-01-09T22:13:00.001+01:00

Kids always want to play with daddy’s toys. And when Daddy is playing with his handgun, junior also wanna play with it. Because small children put everything in their mouth, it’s too dangerous to let them play with handguns. And they are crying if they don’t get the same toy as daddy’s toy. But the problem can be solved. You need a chocolate gun and of course chocolate bullets, because it’s not that easy to fool a 3 year old.

At chocolateweapons.com you can get chocolate guns, bullets and grenades. And for the Lady of the house you might get some Chocolate Peanut Butter Filled 12 Gauge Shotgun Shells. Don’t let your kids eat a whole gun or grenade before dinner, it will spoil the appetite.

Of course it’s not just for kids. All gun and chocolate lovers will love it. The ultimate chocolate gift for all gun lovers and an extraordinary gun gift for all chocolate lovers.

Source: chocolateweapons.com

Cat Cardboard Playhouse

2010-01-01T18:19:00.003+01:00

Your cat is bored! You are tired entertaining your cat! What you need, is a cardboard playhouse for your cat. It’s fun, entertaining, and educational. Choose between a Tank, Fire engine and a Plane. It depends on your cat’s personality, so select well.

Is your cat destructive, then it will like the “Cardboard Tank”. It will stop hanging in the curtain, because now it’s a tank officer. (Don’t send your cat to Afghanistan, it’s just a cardboard tank)

Is your cat flying like a tornado through the living room, then it will like the “Cardboard Plane”. It will stop jumping from the cupboard to the bookcase, because now it’s a pilot. (Don’t throw your cat out of the window in the plane, it’s just a cardboard plane)

Your cat like playing with fire, then it will like the “Cardboard Fire engine”. It will stop hitting the candles, because now it’s a firefighter. (Don’t let your cat play near any open fire in the cardboard fire engine).

The Cardboard Playhouse set is available on Amazon and Suck.uk.

Enjoy and have fun.

The Video on YouTube shows how much fun your cat can have playing with a Cardboard Playhouse.

X-mas Declarations

2009-12-19T11:19:00.001+01:00

Today’s xmas special on “Get armed”

Would you let Santa Claus into your house? Of course you would. Let me ask a different way. Imagine its summer, and you don’t expect Santa to come. A stranger is knocking at your door. He looks like a hobo, but in the red coat he might be a flasher. With a big sack on his back he’s coming straight from your neighbor’s house and now he’s asking your kids to sit on his lap, telling them, if they behave, he got something for them. Yeah, now it looks quite different. The best way to guarantee protection from strangers in red coats is to let them know that you are armed. What better way doing it than with Christmas decoration grenades. Order a set of xmas grenades at Suck.uk and you will make a contribution to Ctrl.Alt.Shift, an experimental initiative of activists fighting for social justice and global change.

Santa Poo is coming

2009-12-13T16:50:00.001+01:00

Oh no, soon its Christmas and you haven’t bought the first Christmas gift yet. Don’t get stressed, just use Santa Poo’s wishing list and you have gifts for the hole family and friends.

The Wishing List

A pair of pink hand grenade soaps for your grandpa

The great game Shithead for your best friend

Koala Poo Earrings for your sweetheart

The Turd twister for the kids

The Beauty Smile Trainer for your boss

A Jumpsuit duster for the Baby

Salt and Pepper gun shakers for your mum

The Zombie Survival Kit for your neurotic brother

A Shit Box for your incontinent grandma

The Fisticup for your dad

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

The Dog Doo Calendar

2009-12-10T22:54:00.007+01:00

How was your year 2009? Do you think it was a crappy year? So you had a year with no luck, no happiness and no love. Then I can reassure you, 2010 will be exactly the same. To remind you, that every day will be a shitty day, you must have this marvelous dog doo calendar. They are placed in an artistic way with great scenery. Have a look at these artistic dog poo’s, in the morning and start the day with a smile. They will remind you, that shit happens, so don’t take life so seriously. Shit can be beautiful, if you got the right panorama. And it’s not too late to get the 2009 dog poop calendar.
They are available at Prank Place and Amazon.

The Xmas Doo

2009-12-05T18:49:00.003+01:00

What is good about the icy cold weather during Christmas time? It looks pretty good when everything outside is covered with snow and the kids have fun playing in the snow. But that’s it. Waiting for the bus is not fun. Driving car is not fun, even worse is trying to ride a bike. But there is something amazing about the frosty weather. The dog doo is frozen and hard like a stone. You don’t step into a soft piece of shit. Instead you just kick it away, or you just pick it up and… whatever you like to do with it. And now you can pay tribute to all frozen dog doo’s. In memory of this fantastic event you can buy this glorious ornament of a snow covered dog doo. It makes a hilarious Christmas gift, but it’s also a brilliant decoration on your Christmas three. It’s available at Prank Place.

Zombie bite first aid

2009-11-27T15:05:00.003+01:00

Click on picture to enlarge and print

Do you know how to treat a zombie bite? NO! Don’t worry, you are not alone, a lot of us don’t know how to treat a zombie bite. That’s why I created a zombie first aid guide. Just follow the 7 steps, and you might be lucky not to turn into a zombie.

But first you have to be sure it’s a zombie and not just a crazy guy who escaped from the cuckoo's nest. If you follow the 7 steps, and afterwards you discover it was a loony bite, you will regret the treatment.

A zombie bite has to be treated immediately. Don’t waste time. Every minute that passes increases the danger of infection. Amputation of the infected limb is the only safe treatment of a zombie bite. (If you got bitten in the neck, you don’t have to follow the treatment)

How to follow the 7 steps

Step 1. Apply pressure above the wound to avoid the virus to spread into your blood circuit.
Step 2. Place injured body part on a solid object. It has to be fixed, you don’t want to miss or hit twice.
Step 3. Amputate injured body part. At this step you might need an assistant. Those who tried to amputate a body part on your own body, they know how difficult it is.
Step 4. Apply the bandage firmly, but not so tight that circulation is prevented.
Step 5. Wrap the bandage in a spiral pattern. Start upwards and continue down until the wound is covered.
Step 6. Bind the bandage as far up till it reaches the beginning. Tie a knot in the end.
Step 7. You might feel a bit pain after the treatment. Two painkillers will make it.

Now you can head to the hospital for further treatment. The treatment is no guaranty for recovery and is the virus still in your body, they can’t do anything at the hospital to safe you from turning into a zombie.

Even if your limb is amputated, you still need protection. It is recommended to fix a weapon to the amputated limb. It can be a knife, gun, chainsaw… Good luck.

Get well soon!

Remember, you also need the zombie calendar 2012, for next year!

The Gun T-shirt

2009-11-21T18:56:00.002+01:00

It’s a wonderful day. The sun is shining, you got a promotion at your job and you are going on holiday tomorrow. You just need to withdraw some money at your local bank and you are ready to celebrate that perfect day. You enter the bank and in that moment you are knocked down with a full body attack by the security guy. You find yourself lying with your face pressed into the floor and a 200 pound heavy security guy kneeling on your back.

Why did this wonderful day end that terrible?

Answer: You are a dumbass moron. You can’t put on your Atypyk Gun-T-shirt, and walk into a bank and presume that the security guy likes your T-shirt design. I know, you just love this T-shirt so much, but it might not be appropriate for any occasion.

Source: atypyk-e-shop

Internet Business

2009-11-13T22:04:00.006+01:00

Make money with the internet

I always wonder how you can make money with the internet. Almost everybody is talking about how to earn big money using the internet. It pops up everywhere, so it can’t be that difficult and now I figured it out. Many people are blogging about it and now I do too. Yeah, I know, you think; this dumhead Mr. Poo is full of shit and now he wanna talk about business. But I will show you, how to become rich using the internet.

I got this great idea while I watched the movie Forrest Gump. If you have seen the movie, you know about his friend Bubba and his idea of buying a shrimp boat. Now I will tell you how to use the internet. Actually you need 7.482 internets. I got 5. So I have to invest in 7.477 internets. Now you think, hey, that’s a lot of money to use on internets. Just look at it as an investment. I’m sure your bank will understand, when you explain them your great investment plans.

How to do: Turn your boxershorts inside out. Now you see the internet attached to the shorts. Remove the internet from the shorts. You have to do it with all 7.482 boxershorts. Sew all 7.482 internets together to a big net. You can still use the shorts without the internet. I always wondered what they are good for. Didn’t know you can make money with them. Have I told you, that you need a boat? Sorry, you have to invest in a boat too. But don’t worry, I told you before, there will be no problem with your bank if you tell them about your great investment plans. I’m sure you already figured out what comes next. Yeah, you are going fishing. You are going fishing shrimps on your boat with 7.482 internets. Unbelievable, isn’t it! And don’t care about people laughing at you. They will stop laughing when they see your name on a successful shrimp company.

You are a shithead

2009-11-07T15:59:00.003+01:00

Are you one of those people who like playing with turd? Then there’s good news for you. Now you can play with poop without getting dirty. The real turd-lover will say “playing with poop without getting dirty, that’s not fun!”. You are wrong. Play the game “Shithead” and you will have a lot of fun. Get it at PrankPlace or Amazon and try it out. You get two velcro hats and three soft and fluffy poops. Try and catch the turd with your head and find out who is the shithead # 1.

Get Armed

2009-11-01T16:13:00.010+01:00

Get Armed

Do you feel safe in your home?

Do you check your doors and windows before going to bed?

You may even look under your bed, in the shower and in the wardrobe before going to sleep.

If you can't feel safe at home, where can you feel safe?

To help you stay safe at home and protect your home from intruders, Mr. Poo collected a bunch of self defense items. And you don’t need any weapon permit. They are daily items and beside the defense part they got a second use.

Don’t be a target. You can protect yourself, your loved ones and your belongings.

Klick on Photo to read article or
Read all articles

The Zombie Safety Guide

2009-10-25T14:25:00.005+01:00

Click on picture to enlarge and print

There are safety guidelines for almost every occasion, every place and all electric tools. There are safety guides on workplaces, in public places and even on your micro wave. It’s for your own safety, to avoid accidents and to be aware of dangers that can cause injury or even death.

But have you ever seen a “Zombie Safety Guide” in any public place? Do you have a “Zombie Safety Guide” at your home or at your workplace? Now you might think, a zombie safety guide, is that really necessary.

Imagine, you are at your workplace and suddenly a mob of zombies are entering the room. You are looking at the safety guide, and it tells you “When lifting, keep your back straight”. Yeah right, it won’t help you much, and if a zombie crunch into your neck, you don’t have to care about your back anyway.

That’s why Mr. Poo created this unique Safety Guide. Print and laminate it, and hang it at your workplace. They might think it’s a joke, but after the next zombie outbreak, they will thank you for this safety guide.

The “Zombie Safety Guide” will also make an excellent gag gift.

And now some good news. "The walking dead" season one is out now on DVD and blue-ray

Mustard Marvin

2009-10-22T17:19:00.004+02:00

What happen when you gulp down a cup of mustard? Most of us wouldn’t even try. But there are jackasses, they do what you tell them, just to proof that they can do it, even it’s about swallowing disgusting liquids and vomiting afterwards. Yeah, that’s what happens, when you swallow a cup of mustard, you turn green and you vomit. And that’s what Marvin is doing. Don’t worry about Marvin, it’s his job to vomit mustard, because Marvin is a mustard topper. If you like Marvin to vomit mustard on your burger or hotdog, then you can buy him at PrankPlace or Amazon. Invite Marvin to your next party, and let him be the first vomiting on the table.

The Toilet Mug

2009-10-17T17:38:00.003+02:00

Would you drink out of a toilet? Why not, I’m sure your dog is doing it. But if you wanna try the nice flavor of a toilet, try it out with this toilet shaped mug. Do you know somebody who wants to quit the black caffeine? Then the toilet mug might be the right gift to this person, because it will give you a picture of a blocked toilet while drinking coffee and not everybody’s stomach can deal with that imagination. It’s great with coffee, hot chocolate, Chocó ice crème, beer (yes, I know you can’t drink beer from a mug, but it looks great in a toilet mug). At PrankPlace and Amazon, where it’s available, you can see many more possibilities how to use this mug.

The Biogas Home System

2009-10-11T16:14:00.001+02:00

Make money while sitting on the toilet. Mr. Poo will show you how to do.

This is “Home business” and recycling at the same time.

Click to enlarge

Make money and safe money at the same time. Is that possible? With the “Biogas home system” it’s possible. Don’t flush away your valuable homemade biomass. The biomass contains methane. With the methane you are able to produce electricity. Electricity free of charge. Free electricity is equivalent to a lower electricity bill. That’s how you safe money. If you produce a lot of biomass, you can even sell the gas or electricity to your neighbors. Selling shit to your neighbors, that just sound too good to be true. Have a look at my prototype. That’s how it can look like. Now you might think; “Isn’t this dangerous?” No, it’s not dangerous. Just don’t smoke on the toilet. The diesel driven pump and the generator can be a bit noisy, but after a while you are getting used to it. And why let the pump run on expensive diesel, use your own methane, its FREE.

Soap Knuckles

2009-10-02T21:20:00.003+02:00

Rule #1 in prison; “don’t drop the soap!” Why? Because, while you bend down, fumbling after the slippery soap, with your naked butt upside, beckon for attention, you might put yourself in a seductive position for other prisoners. This might lead to a painful and embarrassing experience. That’s why you have to protect yourself in a community shower. With the soap knuckles, you can avoid unpleasant incidents. With the soap knuckle you got a good grip and it won’t slip out of your hand. And in case of any attack, you are armed too. Get a soap knuckle at spydesign before entering any community shower. If you like the soap knuckles, you might also like the soap grenades and the soap gun.

Source: spydesign

Beauty smile trainer

2009-09-27T17:06:00.002+02:00

Need help for a brighter smile?

Do you hate your job? But you need it! You are an underpaid slave? You have to handle arrogant costumers, and the rule nr. 1, the costumer is king! Even the costumer is a pain in the ass, you got to smile. Is that possible? Yes it is. It’s coming from Japan and it’s called the “Beauty smile trainer”. Actually, it’s a rubber stick you put into your mouth. It sounds so simple, but it will give you a bright smile, even you had a shitty day.

To all waitresses, shoe salesman, hotel manager, secretaries, fast food and counter workers out there. Put the rubber stick in your mouth and continue doing your hard work with a big smile in the face :)

Make your baby useful

2009-09-19T18:54:00.026+02:00

What are babies good for? Yeah, they are cute looking at. Otherwise they are crying, eating, sleeping and pooping in the diaper. But now they can be useful. With this jumpsuit duster, your baby will clean the floor while crawling around in the house. And it will get around corners where you never been before with your ordinary mop. No more dust under the bed and couch. Just put a toy where you want your baby to crawl. And if you have some really stubborn dirt to get off, then remember to wet your baby. Of course your baby can’t climb up the shelves. But you might also have a lazy useless cat. With the duster slippers your cat will clean where the baby can’t make it.
You are horrified because of this product? I can reassure you, this product is not for sale. It’s one of Kenji Kawasaki’s inventions. Kenji Kawasaki is a Japanese inventor and founder of the Chindogu society. Chindogu is the Japanese art of inventing gadgets for solving daily problems. They might be useful and the ultimate solution of a problem, but they are also bizarre and don´t fit into our society. If you like to see more of Chindogu inventions, have a look in Kenji Kawakami`s books “unuseless Japanese inventions”.
Source: Chindogu

How to survive a Zombie attack

2009-09-12T16:08:00.033+02:00

Don’t panic, take it easy. Now you don’t have to worry about any zombie attacks anymore. It’s just a question of being prepared.
Get the Zombie survival Kit and always carry it with you. It includes: 20' of "zombie outbreak" barrier tape, 4 warning/hazard signs, 8 warning/hazard stickers, 8 Zombie classification cards, 8 Z.E.R.O. cards, 2 Zombie Disposal "toe tags", 1 "in case of zombie attack" instructional poster , 1 "bite kitt", 1 glow in the dark sticker and 1 lapel button, plus a bonus CD-ROM "electronic training supplement"

Learn about Zombies and how to prepare an attack by reading these books.
The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead by Max Brooks Get to know about the virus "Solanum", the transference and symptoms. Gain knowledge how to discover an infected human and about the treatment, in this case will be amputation or killing. Study the zombie behavior patterns. Be trained in survival techniques by using a large assortment of weapons. Learn how to secure your home and how to defend yourself in public places. And of course become skilledrger groups, kill and listen, let them come to you, never go off alone…

Another book you should read is Max Brooks World War Z, An Oral History of the Zombie War. Learn from history and be prepared for the next World War Z. This book should be required in schools. The Kids should learn about the gravity of the walking dead.

You might not remember everything you read, and when you face a zombie you might panic and be incapable of making a decision. Then it’s a good idea to have the zombie Survival Mini Note Pads and Zombie Survival Notes Mini Journal in your pocket.

In a Zombie war much time can be spent hiding and waiting. To kill time while waiting you need to play games. The best game to play in middle of an apocalyptic zombie war is “Zombie Fluxx” The ever changing zombie card game, (ages 8-adult). It’s fun, educative and for the hole family. And because the game is about zombies, you won’t forget, that there is a living dead outside waiting for you.

And remember to put the zombie survival poster on your toilet door, it fresh up your mind how to kill a zombie while you are sitting on the toilet.

But the best way to become an expert in zombie behavior is still to watch al kind of Zombie movies.

All items are available at amazon

Tea set guns

2009-09-09T17:53:00.005+02:00

Old ladies and guns do not belong together! You are wrong. Do not underestimate your granny, she might be armed. Have a look at this nice tea set. If you want some respect at your granny’s next tea party then decorate the tea table with hand painted Walther PPK porcelain guns. This might avoid any disrespectful freaking out behavior at granny’s party. The artist of these guns, Yvonne Lee Shultz, has a variety of designs on her own website. So have a look and find the right gun for your granny’s tea set. And if your granny like hand crafted crochet work, she might love these hand crafted guns designed by the Swedish artist Inger Carina. Next time you enter an old ladies house, Keep your guard up, she might be armed.

Gun Soap

2009-09-05T19:31:00.009+02:00

Do you feel safe in the shower? If you have seen Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho, you know you can’t be safe in the shower. Protect yourself and get armed with the Gun Soap. This gun look so real, the psycho freak won’t see its just soap. But make sure it doesn’t get wet. It might loose shape, and a sagging gun with soap bubbles isn’t that terrifying. You can get the black gun at etsy. The feminine gun in pink is available at uptoyoutoronto.
Like the “hand grenade soap”, you shouldn’t take the soap with you in a plane, the airport security scanner can’t see its just soap.

Salt And Pepper Gun Shakers

2009-09-03T19:36:00.005+02:00

Are you tired off your mother-in-law always complaining about your food? “Too much salt, not enough pepper…?” Be a man and put a stop on this annoying behavior. But do it in a cool way, so she won’t forget. Do it like Dirty Harry. Do it with your new salt and pepper handguns. Wait till she tastes your food, and just before she opens her mouth to say something annoying, you pull your salt and pepper gun and shout: “I know what you're thinking. Did he put too much salt or non pepper?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a M1911 pepper gun, the most powerful pepper gun in the world, and would blow your throat clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?” So get this set of guns at www.play.com or Amazon before it’s too late.

Hand grenade soap

2009-08-25T19:42:00.002+02:00

Protect your home, you never know when the bad guys enter your castle. Even in the shower you should be armed. What better way to protect yourself than going to bath with a hand grenade. You don’t need a real hand grenade. Get a soap hand grenade. When the bad gay enters the bathroom, just throw the soap after him. Before he will recognize its just soap, he will soil himself and run out of town. The soap hand grenades are available in different colors at Etsy.

Warning. Never throw a pink hand grenade soap after the bad guys, the shock effect might get lost. Never take a hand grenade soap with you in a plane, the airport security scanner can’t see its just soap.

Gun lamp

2009-08-18T19:12:00.004+02:00

After getting rid of the Ice cube bullets you need to hide the Kalashnikov AK47. Just paint it golden and put a lamp shade on it. Nobody will ever spot the AK 47. How it will look like, the designer Philippe Stark proofed by his Gun Table Lamp. It’s not a real gun, but an aluminum body plated with 18K gold. Available at Utility and Amazon. Have also a look at the Gun Bedside Lamp and the Gun Floor Lamp

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AK-47 Ice Cubes

2009-08-11T19:03:00.006+02:00

A body was found, lying in a puddle of water and bullet holes in the chest. But no bullets were found. What happened? He was shot with Ice Bullets. With the AK-47 Bullet Ice Cube Tray every housewife and freetime hitman can make ice cube bullets on her own. And how do you get rid of the evidence? Just serve some ice cold drinks. Available at Amazon and Find me a gift.

Fisticup

2009-08-05T18:53:00.008+02:00

This cup isn’t just for the Mafia. Everybody should be armed with a Fisticup. Be prepared for any attack, even during your coffee break. This ceramic mug with the steely knuckle handle is designed by Jean Cristophe Karich and available at worldwidefred. Is your morning brewing the type of coffee that tastes like a punch in the face? Then get the Fisticup and warn the people around you, that this coffee will knock you out.

You can shave the baby

2009-07-28T18:07:00.011+02:00

But this doll is not for sell, and it came never in production. It’s a piece of art from 1996, created from the polish artist Zbigniew Libera. He is known for his controversial art, his shocking videos and modifications of already existing products. The doll with the name “You can shave the baby” is a part of his “critical art”. See also his famous concentration camp created of original Lego blocks.

LEGO Concentration Camp

2009-07-28T17:51:00.008+02:00

“Mummy, I want the LEGO Concentration Camp for Christmas.”
Don’t worry. This set is not available in “Toys.R.us” or other toy companies and has never been produced by LEGO. It’s just one of Zbigniew Libera’s provocative type of art. from the polish artist Zbigniew Libera. The polish artist’s controversial work from 1996 is a seven box limited edition consisting of three LEGO concentration camp sets. It includes the main concentration camp, with inmates behind barbed wire and one inmate being hanged. Another box contains a crematorium with three chimneys and a corpse being carried out of the gassing room. On Raster, an independent art space in Warsaw, you can see more photos of the LEGO concentration camp set. One of the sets can be seen at the Jewish Museum in New York Have also a look at “You can shave the baby” another critical art from Zbigniew Libera.

Turd Twister vs. Poopy - Time

2009-07-23T19:13:00.009+02:00

I bought the “Turd Twister” for my grandchildren and they love to poop funny shapes during caca time.
But the short adapter makes the insertion into the butt difficult and it won’t hold unless you keep it holding with your fingers. And sometimes it ends up being a big mess.
Then I saw the advertising of the “Poopy Time Fun Shapes”. The long “safe glide adapter” makes it easy to insert, and it might stick without holding with your fingers. The “Turd Twister” got a variety of templates and the kids love to switch it and shape the turd into amazing designs. I see “Poopy Time” got just a star and a heart. I know my grandchildren will get bored just pooping stars and hearts. So, do “Poopy Time” offer more shapes? And where can I get that fantastic product.

Best regards Old Stools

Send some poop

2009-07-17T16:28:00.010+02:00

Don’t get mad, get even!
Somebody pissed you off? Fired from your job? Out for revenge? Then don’t be mad for days. Tell that person how mad you are. Don’t say it in words, but with poo. Poo is much stronger than words. Yeah, send that person a box with dog poop Uhhhh… worried it will have some consequences. Don’t worry, you can send it 100% anonymous. How? Just let a company do it for you. The websites www.dogdoo.com and www.mailpoop.com offers to send boxes of dung to your enemies. If you like, you can include a message, of course also totally anonymous.

Toilet Signs

2009-07-14T16:23:00.017+02:00

Get a funny Toilet Sign

Just Klik on the toilet signs below to enlarge, and then Print.
Everybody who tried to give a party, knows how it can end after a lot of alcohol has been consumed. And the day after, the nightmare in the toilet.
So if you wanna keep your toilet clean, then tell your guests in a funny way, how to behave in your bathroom.
A funny gimmick at every party.

Toilets

2009-07-06T20:51:00.000+02:00

Tired of your old dirty toilet? Then have a look at something different.

This Meat toilet is designed by Simone Racheli. Do you think this design of horror is strange? Then visit Simone Racheli`s Gallery and have a look at the meaty -chair, -bikeframe, -iron, -blow dryer and -mixer and you for sure become a vegetarian.

This pretty exemplar is called TwoDaLoo. Have a nice conversation with your friends while doing your bussines. Afterwards flush the toilet together, it conserves our water supply all with one flush... Wow!

$75,000 on the account and dont know how to use them. Then pamper yourself with this "bling bling" toilet, handset with Swarovski crystals and designed by Jemal Wright. And if there`s some pennies left, then design your entire bath with the Jemal Wright bath collection.

Who is able to pee, when somebody is looking directly on your willy? Designing that kind of urinals make no sense, it will just cause bladder pain. But what’s the designers’ intention, putting these urinals in production? According to a Muslim website, these urinals are found in Israel and intended to look like women in Jilbab. They are pissed-off, because Israel is humiliating the Muslims by making fun of the Islamic symbols. But isn’t it a cross they carry around their neck? But only the designer knows the truth, “nuns”, “women in jilbab”, "Madonna" or “Virgin Mary” maybe commissioned by a catholic priest who wanted some flavor to his church.

If you don’t wanna pee on a holy lady, then its now possible to pee in the throat off George W. Bush and see the American flag going down the drain. These amazing urinals are created and hand built by Clark Sorensen.

And if you don’t like to have Bush in your bathroom, there’s a large variety of flower urinals, all created by Clark Sorensen.

Jep, it’s a toilet… and its pink, designed by the Danish designer Ole Jensen. It looks like a large intestine. But, why? So the feces feel welcomed when it swop the host. Somehow it looks like the dilated anus of a pavians red butt. Dont agree, then have a look at that pavians butt. And who wanna sit on something like that? And where’s the toilet seat? Even the ladies gonna stand up and pee! So, I would love to have this toilet.

2009-06-02T18:32:00.004+02:00

Stools List

2009-05-23T13:18:00.016+02:00

Who hasn’t been to the doctor and found themselves in that awkward situation, where the doctor asks questions about your stool. Trying to remember how it looked like in the morning, looking for a way to describe it, and worried that the doctor might put his finger up in your anus and ask for a stool sample because your description isn’t sufficient. But now you can be prepared. No more awkward situations. Just fill out Old Stools “Poo List” and hand it in to the doctor. Its possible to put more than one [X].

Stools List

Name: ........................................
Address: .....................................
Date: .........................................

Category ”Big & Hard”

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit [ ]
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly Shit [ ]
You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.

King Kong or Commode Choker Shit [ ]
This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.

Wet Cheeks Shit [ ]
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.
Cement Block Shit [ ]
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.

The Party Pooper [ ]
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

Category “Hide & seek”

Ghost Shit [ ]
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.

Wish Shit [ ]
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit.

The Frightened Turtle [ ]
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.

The Windy City Shit [ ]
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.

Category “Fast & Furious”

Teflon Coated Shit [ ]
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!

Right Now Shit [ ]
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

Category “The liquid state”

Gooey Shit [ ]
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Dirty Bowl Shit [ ]
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

The Never Ending Shit [ ]
It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Category ”Never ending”

Snake Shit [ ]
This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

The Bungee Shit [ ]
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.

Category “The Annoying”

Second Thought Shit [ ]
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.

Cork Shit / Floater Shit [ ]
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.

The Ring of Fire Shit [ ]
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

The Crippler [ ]
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Surprising [ ]
The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

The Jack the Ripper Shit [ ]
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.

Give some Poo

2009-05-22T18:59:00.030+02:00

Looking for some shit for your sweetheart? It’s her birthday, anniversary or you want to surprise her at Valentine. Then give the lady you love a pair of earrings made out of poo. Not any kind of poo, but koala poo. “Koala Poo Earrings” are the perfect jewelry to frame your sweethearts face, be it oval, round or square. And where can I get this piece of shit?
Its available at “The True Blue Roo Poo Company”.

And if you are looking for more shit, maybe some shit for your boss, then don’t buy the same bullshit like your workmates. Send a “Kangaroo Poo Paperweight”. Of cause you wanna be remembered at the next promotion. Also available at “The True Blue Roo Poo Company”

And there’s more shit. A Tasmanian Devil Poo Paperweight will make a perfect gift at father’s day. Unfortunately there is just one Devil. His name is Dennis and he produces poo to make 5 paperweights a week. So order in good time as there may be a waiting period while Dennis gets his shit together.

Have a look at “The True Blue Roo Poo Company”, you might find some more shit for any occasion.

Shit Box

2009-05-02T22:15:00.018+02:00

Make your day and get yourself a "Shit Box"

Neurotic, OCD, or just scared of puplic Toilets?
Then get yourself a “Shit Box”.
Shit Box is a lightweight portable cardboard toilet.
With the Shit Box you can do your business anytime anywhere anyplace.

Old Stools will show you where it can be used.

Old Stools use the "Shit Box" in the subway.

Old Stools use the "Shit Box" while waiting in a queue.

Old Stools use the "Shit Box" in the park.

And where can you get it? Its available at The Brown Corporation

And remember the kids. This smaler model with the funny name "Little Jack`s Box" is made for the little prince and princess. So no more excuse making caca in pants.